Happiness

Fortune

And fame, that’s what we’re supposed to be striving for correct? I was reminded about how it could turn out when I watched an interview on Recode’s YouTube channel, during their 2018 Code Conference, with Facebook’s COO Sheryl Sandberg and colleague Mike Schroepfer, Facebook’s CTO. You will know what they talked about, it’s been the most talked about technology internet event of 2018, followed closely by GDPR in the EU.

They likely have $$millions in the bank and maybe $$billions in stock options on top of that.

And they didn’t look happy, not in the slightest. They were being interviewed by the very tough interviewer Kara Swisher and being asked some very very tough questions, which actually they avoided mostly to answer completely.

If you wish to fill up 45 minutes of your time, you can watch it below.

[embed]https://youtu.be/i3QBy5T0qxw[/embed]

I have compassion for them, I truly have. Here you are working for the biggest Social Media company on the planet with billions of users and your greed and the greed of your shareholders has gotten the better of everyone involved with creating this monster of a company.

Can you truly be happy when your Uber drives you home after a long day of grilling by the media, accusing you of making too many mistakes, having to constantly apologise and promising that you’re going to do better? That must takes its toll on your human nature. Even when you might believe that it’s not you who is singularly responsible, you’re going to feel like you are, even when you are part of a team. After all you can’t let the side down and point the finger and say, it was his fault, why should I be taking the blame and all the media hassle?

Well, because you decided in a moment of madness that you wanted to work for the most famous social network in the world and you did actually sign up to take the good with the bad. The good has happened, your bank account is overflowing with more money then you know what to do with and now the bad is showing it’s ugly head.

There were a couple of times that both Sheryl and Mike solicited some sympathy from the interviewers and the audience. Mike suggested ‘I’m not trying to be one of the people that’s fired over all of this tonight’, brave thing to say actually with your boss sitting next to you. Sheryl asked if Kara had read her book. Her book is about the death of her husband and how she had to deal with that, it’s called Option B. They were looking for compassion but they didn’t get any. Maybe because we judge them for what they have and not for who they are as human beings?

Fortune is never what it lives up to be, fame is probably even worse. If you want adoration and feeling of wealth, love and respect for who you are and be satisfied with what you have right in this moment then look no further then yourself. If you can realise and see that you’re already happy when suffering is absent then you actually have it all. No fortune or fame will ever achieve that.

Happy trying!

Michael de Groot

Suffering

I am reading or rather listening to an audible book titled ‘The Art of Happiness’ by The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. Howard brings a Western perspective to Happiness and the two have a lively conversation about many issues related to happiness and the mind.

I have only listened to 1½ hours of a 10 hour book and it’s already having a profound effect on me.

‘Happiness is the absence of suffering’, a quote that will live with me forever.

How about looking at your day and reviewing it in terms of percentage of suffering vs percentage of happiness. This could be a fabulous measurement in terms of reflecting on how your mind behaves. More suffering each day will inevitably lead to depression, disease and discomfort at some stage. More happiness each day will lead, well, to more happiness longer term. Inevitably a longer life without disease or discomfort.

So what amounts to suffering?

This is just a starter for a list and feel free to add to it if you wish, I am sure you can think of more, but actually is there anything else?

  1. Negative thoughts about yourself
  2. Negative thoughts about others
  3. Judging yourself
  4. Judging others
  5. Disease, physical or mental, including pain
  6. Addictions to anything

Happy suffering?


It’s in the noticing

I notice

It’s in the reflecting

I reflect

It’s in the walking

I’m making progress

It’s in the fearing

I’m standing still

It’s when the suffering

Takes hold

It’s when the doubting

Slows me down

But in the absence

There’s happiness

And in the absence

There’s no suffering


Michael de Groot

Happiness

Happiness is almost always conditional. How many times have you uttered the sentence in your head ‘I’ll be happy when…’.

You’ll remember the following thoughts that flow through your head on a constant and never-ending basis.

- when I have enough money
- when my parents leave me alone
- when I get the right job
- when my partner stops doing annoying stuff
- when I am my ideal weight
- when my boss stops hassling me
- when my neighbours move away
- when my ex stops controlling me
- when I have the right house/apartment
- when they stop bullying me on social media

And many more variations and examples, which I am sure you can think of.

These constant and never-ending thoughts will guarantee to never make you happy, ever.

A better thought process is to think about the things that already exist in your life that you can be grateful for. A much harder thought process to adopt, because we’re so programmed with those negative thoughts that we’ve hardly got any space to replace those thoughts.

Every habit starts with a tiny little step. I love Leo Babauta a mindfulness blogger who has perfectly captured the art of changing habits in his blog, ebooks and books. You can find his details via:

[embed]https://zenhabits.net[/embed]

Happy thinking!

Michael de Groot

Fear

All of our lives are rooted in fear at some level. We wouldn’t be so obsessed and addicted if we weren’t in fear so much.

Fear is a good thing isn’t? We often don’t think it is but actually if we didn’t have fear we would be jumping of a bridge believing we can fly and that wouldn’t get us very far.

As humans we have an operating system already programmed to keep us alive at every single step of the way. If we didn’t have fear as part of that operating system we’d be at death’s door much more often.

But not all fears are equal.

Photo by tertia van rensburg on Unsplash

Sure we have an operating system to keep us alive but we also continue to program that operating system with our thoughts and feelings as soon as we arrive here on planet earth. We also get help from the lovely folks around us. Bless them!

I believe we focus a disproportionate amount of time on just 7 major fears that govern our actions, our emotions and keep our operating system from releasing a new and better version. It’s like being stuck with the first IBM computer and never upgrading the computer chips.

She here they are, fear of;

1. Getting Hurt
2. Not being loved
3. Being abandoned
4. Not being successful
5. What they will think
6. Not having enough money
7. Getting sick

Can you relate to any of those, maybe you can think of a brand new category I missed?

Happy fearing!

Michael de Groot

Meditation

I’m no expert or even experienced at meditation but what I have learnt from listening to hours of the ‘10% happier’ podcast that trying to stop your thoughts is impossible.

The main trick is to find stillness in the moments between your thoughts when you’re focusing on your breath and maybe your body.

Another great tip is to repeat in your mind over and over the following sentence; ‘I’m not my body and I’m not even my mind.’ It really helps to drown out any further thoughts. I learnt this from Sadhguru.

But when thoughts do come up, just acknowledge them and let them float away and refocus on your breath and/or that sentence.

Small steps, small steps.

Michael de Groot